She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
