This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He passed out mid-signature
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
