Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize