Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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