I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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