Sry I called you an 8
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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