I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
