It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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