Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
