I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
