i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
