Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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