you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
