you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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