Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
