Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
