I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
