that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
