Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
