i barfeds in our rink
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
