I think I won the penis lottery.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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