We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Green mimosas i think yes
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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