u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Duck Duck Cougar?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
