Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
