have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
