next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
