This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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