i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
