There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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