Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
