Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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