guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Drake has all the answers
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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