Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
