great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
