$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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