i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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