I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
