The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
