Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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