i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
