i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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