make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
