Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize