Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
