jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
