Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
