well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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