You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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