Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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