I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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