Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
