I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
