girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize