you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
