just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
