It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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