What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
