you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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