dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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