I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
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