Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
