dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
