literally had 100 drinks last night.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
