U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
