You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you didnt know i had herpes?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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