So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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