Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
