erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
be right there i have to get my cape
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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