I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
