I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
