At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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