will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
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