Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize