I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Terrible idea I love it
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
