Will you blow on my dice?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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