Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
