id be glad to
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
