im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
