maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
