I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize