its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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