I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
